I would like to preface this blog with this: I realize that I am raising God Loving, sweet, compassionate, caring, wonderful children! I know that they will excel at anything and everything that they want and will be wonderful adults in society....despite me!
When Myles and I decided to have children, we both decided that for us the best option would be to work out a work schedule that would allow us to juggle work and raising our children without sending them off to daycare. We wanted to be the ones to raise them in their preschool years without outside, uncontrollable influence. What I mean by this, is influence that we don't have the ability to control or know what they are learning on a daily basis.
I have been aware throughout my 5 years as a parent that everything that I did with and for my children could influence them and the adult that they become. I am very cautious in the way that I discipline, the things I have let my children (mostly Destiny) experience, not experience and do.
As you all are aware, Destiny went to Kindergarten for one week this year at barely 5 years old. Before I sent her off to school, I taught her, her address, her phone number, her name, her mom and dad's name, her ABC's, and she could count to 25. I was so proud to send her to school and felt she was ready.... until the first day. After one week of many tears shed (by me and by her), a trip to the principals office and a parent teacher conference, I made the decision to send her to pre-k. This was a very hard decision for me. I never wanted my kids to go to pre-k. I just think 13 years of school prior to college is a lot. I did not attend pre-k and I am an intelligent person. I also wanted them at home until the age of 5. It seems to me that once they go to school, time flies and they are grown before you know it. I wanted them to get opportunies to just be kids.
All of this said, I did not want to see them struggle, fall, hurt themselves, or be dirty. I want them to have friends and be athletic or have the opportunity and ability to do whatever their hearts desire. With this all being said, I noticed some things with Destiny when she was in Kindergarten and even in Pre-K. She struggles to hold her pencil or crayon correctly. She prefers a spoon to a fork. She still will not ride a bicycle. She started occupational therapy today and was recommended for speech therapy. Now, just so you know, I feel like a total failure thus far as a parent. I held Destiny a lot when she was a baby, because I love her. I always said she wasn't spoiled, just loved!! I didn't let her crawl on a floor that might be dirty. I didn't let her climb on things, because she might fall. I didn't let her struggle to open that package, cause I didn't want to see her struggle. She never fell. She was the ideal and perfect baby (except sleep of course). She never tried to get into things. She didn't put things in her mouth. If she did try to get into something, a simple "No, Destiny" and she turned the other way, but this was a rare occurance. I taught her sign language so that she could communicate with us early. She was great at sign language, but didn't talk well until she was about 3. I failed her by not letting her crawl more. I failed her by not letting her stuggle to open the package. I failed her...
I know that I will continue to fail as a parent, making poor decisions that at the time seem like the best thing! Hailee and Destiny are complete opposites, so I am sure I will make different mistakes with Hailee and I still have the adolescent years to come!
Like I said though, I am raising great kids and they will succeed, despite me!!
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First of all, Dana, you have not failed as a parent. That is a lie that the enemy would love for you to believe. Please don't believe it. It's not failing your child to love them or hold them or keep them clean. That's what parents are supposed to do, and unfortunately there are too many parents who aren't doing those things. You also can't compare Destiny to other kids. All kids are different--they learn at different paces, they grow at different rates.
ReplyDeleteAll that being said, maybe what you didn't do (that in hindsight you should have) is let go a little at a time. Letting Destiny go to crawl on the floor. Letting her go to eat with a fork instead of a spoon. Letting her climb and risk falling. That's the hard part of being a mommy. We don't want to let go! We want to be the ever-present cushion between our children and a world of pain. Why kiss their boo-boos when they fall if we can prevent the fall completely, right?
Maybe you can learn to let go a little at a time and allow Destiny more independence. Let her get dirty, and then teach her to clean herself up. Let her climb, but teach her how to do so safely. Let her hold her crayon however she wants, but patiently help her transition to the right way. Let her struggle to open the package, and teach her to be patient with herself as she tries.
That's not failing her. That's letting her grow up. As we give our children more independence, we give them opportunities to succeed on their own. And one success in their eyes, accompanied by your praise of course, is worth enough to them to keep on trying. Sure, they might fail the first few times or they might not. But we have to let them try.
Keep your head up. You're a good momma, and you love your daughters. That right there is evidence that you are not a failure.